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23 August damn you You're such a horrible coward. Such an idiot and a fool. What, so I finally acknowledge you do never seem to see me and you fucking wipe your existence off the earth? Screw you Enrica. Just fuck you. You couldn't remember some lyrics I posted on my playlist that very day, and yet you remembered Jasmine's lyrics for months ago. Because you're worth remembering, you said. I'm not jealous, I'm angry. At you, and your fucking inability to juggle friendships. Don't fucking do that. Don't talk to me when you so obviously don't want to be there. I've been right here, at this hot, white boiling point for weeks and I didn't want to do anything because of those damn fucking expectations. Well, just because I'm not supposed to have them, doesn't mean they're not there. Does it mean I'm supposed to just smile on blithely while you fucking ignore me? Forget me? Screw me over? No. I wrote that for you, because I honestly felt it. Sometimes I like you. Other times you hurt me so bad, and so much more than you give a damn about. Because I pine after people who don't like me. I'm not-- I don't want to be that person anymore. That person who'd cry for you, crying because your eyes passed me over and you don't care. I don't want to do it. Not anymore and not for someone like you. Caitlin looked at me, and I screwed it up. You never looked in the first place. I don't want to be your first, your highest, your best. I wanted to be your friend, whatever that might constitute. But all of your attentions are for someone who is admittedly better than me, everything you're looking for. Well, fuck me I'm sorry. Sorry I'm not Jasmine. Not everyone can be as cute, and good, and selfless as her. But you're not even close. I don't know what I saw in you. I saw something. But you made me forget. TrackbacksThe trackback URL for this entry is: http://moonspunmagic.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!D745587E8D6821AF!851.trak Weblogs that reference this entry
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