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15 June figured it outwhoa, i'm third wheel, actually. epiphanies of epiphanies. i'm a sucker for lost causes haha, oh god i totally am. oh don't fret guys, i won't bother you anymore. i'll leave you to your blissful sanctuary, happy as you are waiting in the wings for something. not sure what it is, but no worries. no worries. - and then there were two. - 'cause you're not a man you're just a mannequin i wish that you could feel that my love is real but you're not a man. - but who falls in love with a mannequin? - i wish i could just turn you on put a battery in and make you talk - a bunch of b r o k e n parts and i can't seem to find your heart - how will i know the right way to love you. - duck duck goose. - "What are you doing?" I jump, turn at her voice. I wonder if she knows it's her voice that's replaced the one in my head, telling me to get stronger, fighting, biting, defiant. Pushing me. Though up or towards the edge, I'm not yet sure. Her face is lined with scowls, and I try to remember her when she was happy, and had different expressions. Whatever I come up with breaks like a splash on the surface of water, and I give up. She glares at me, and I bite my lip, hiding the dandy lion in sweaty palms behind my back; it doesn't fool her. I didn't think it would. I say nothing, only pleading. She doesn't show any weakness at the wan pallor of my face, lips chapped and raw from bites and frets, dark brown eyes - these boring eyes of mine - red. She yanks me hard on the shoulders, and I fight to hold onto the parts of me that are falling away, but I don't dare look at her, I can't. "I asked you a question." she hasn't raised her voice once but my eyebrows pull together anyway, my chest squeezing up, my throat too dry. "Nothing," I whisper. Pathetic, stupid, childish, naive. Why did I think blind faith would get me anywhere anyway? Her hands are careless when she reaches to yank my wrist up, probably leaving bruises to hide the paler ones underneath, shaped like round, delicate fingers. She pulls the dandy lion away, and I fight not to cry out. "Wishing again?" she sneers, and this time I can't stop a tear from escaping, it feels hard as ice. "It's a dying flower. That's all it is." I shut my eyes, like I can squeeze the shape of her hateful face out of my mind. "You're pathetic." my hands find purchase over my ears, though it feels less like covering them than squeezing my head of her grating voice. She grabs my face and forces me to look at her, I'm choking back sobs. "Stop it, wake up. They're never going to love you like you love them. Grow up, how could they love a monster. Someone as disgusting and selfish as you." I think I start to lose myself when I start to believe her. She tears the downy part of the wish away and clenches her fist. A dream shatters. She slaps me with that hand, the sting is numbing, hot. And the sun falls down. And I think I start to lose myself when I start to accept this. Comments (7)
Michelle ♪
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